Sunday, April 22, 2007

A compilation of reasons why myspace sucks

I would just like to point out that myspace sucks. An assistant at work was scrolling through her page the other day, and I couldn't help but glance at it myself. I have seen it before, and it really never ceases to amaze me how incredibly phony it is.

Intrigued at the utter stupidity (and I have posted on this subject before), I checked out what others said about it. What I found was that most of the people who complained about it, complained about the software features. Tech dork stuff that I didn't and don't give a rats' ass about.

What fascinated me was the phoniness. The utter "I am so awash in the passions of life and aren't you impressed by me" that I couldn't help but be embarrassed for almost every single person who has posted all the ridiculous artwork, the music ambushing me as I arrive at a page, and utterly generic approaches taken...PeOpLe WhO CaPiTaLiZe every other letter like it's cool... Here are some of the comments I enjoyed:

've noticed a disproportionately larger amount of guys commenting on hot girls than there are girls commenting on hot guys. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it appears more common for the guys to be guilty of this. So guys listen up. Shut the fuck up. I'll repeat this in case you thought you misread me. Shut the fuck up. If you see a hot girl on MySpace, do whatever it is you were going to do with your hands and move on. Maybe if your balls have descended send her a message if you want. But there is nothing sadder than three pages or so of guys going on about how hot a girl is in a photo. It's like the sausage party that never was. The ability to comment on hot girls is not a free pass to make yourself and the rest of us sound like we're retarded. Girls don't like suck ups, and using such witty lines like "u r hottt" isn't going to do anything to boost your sex life. Click here for help on that.

This one is to girls specifically. If you say something like "contact me" at the end of your profile, don't be surprised or complain when some creepy loser who could pass for Gollum messages you. I saw a bunch of profiles where it was a hot girl who said something like "if you want a good time, contact me" and then she has a blog post complaining about people wanting to message her and add her as a friend. Well what the hell did you think was going to happen? Mr. Hot Guy to come and message you on MySpace? It's not going to happen. If you need MySpace to find a date you have bigger problems to deal with than this imaginary Mr. Right's penis size. Much bigger.

Are there stalkers on MySpace? Of course. Horny losers + Internet Connection + semi-attractive girls = trouble. I think that was the only formula I remember from Algebra.
yspace sucks. Still.

From Wonkette:
MySpace is a wonderful social networking phenomenon in which millions of retarded people regular Americans have their own atrocious blinking-ad-covered websites, each visually horrific “home page” bleating out some awful pop music and tagged with the illiterate gibberish comments (or cut-and-pasted rap lyrics) and half-naked cam-phone pictures of America’s fattest teens. It’s a place where born-again illiterate Jesus freaks, tattooed and pierced illiterate suburban kids, fake gangsta illiterate urban youth, orange-skinned horse-faced illiterate high-school dropout gals who aspire to celebrity sluthood or a career in the Army, violent illiterate psychopathic “Juggalos” and a bedeviled minority of depressed semi-literate goth & emo teens in the Midwest all come together to show us what the United States will be like once the current crop of old people dies off.


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