Saturday, June 24, 2006

Taking the bar exam allows me to be a dick.

People phrase is kindly. They say things like "you need to be constructively selfish" or "You have the right to say no to invitations more than any time in your life.".

I should fail the bar exam just because for the first time in my life, people actually understand why I am being a dick and say "it's okay, we understand".

Whenever I was a dick before, even in law school, there wasn't much sympathy. You chose your path, so if you don't like it, tough shit. Except for my Mom. Mom's always stick up for their sons...even after they have obvious murdered a bunch of people. I like to think my mom wouldn't like me if I was Scott Peterson, but I'm not sure. She's mom.

Anyway, I get to leave food out. Don't wash dishes. I get to be moody an irritable. I can do the normal male silent thing and not want to be conversant and get away with it! All of the things I have already been doing for years, but now suddenly it's okay!

I think I might never pass the bar just so I can continue to be a dick for as long as possible....

There are, of course those who believe that being a lawyer involves being a dick, or a bitch. There are no shortage of people who I have attended law school with who are under the erroneous impression that being a dick serves them well in the profession. I will submit to you that IMO it is precisely the opposite. If you want to be an asshole for a living, pick a different profession, like drill sergeant. These are people who I fuck with on a regular basis and who lawyers I know, if they have time, will do the same. I know of at least one woman prosecutor who pissed off my friend at the Public Defenders' office by trying to overwhelm him with frivolous motions. He made a point of fighting every single one, and eventually she quit and was committed to a mental hospital.

I don't want to be a lawyer who is a dick. Not because I am not a dick (although, truth be told, I'm usually not) but because it is too much effort. Being an asshole must be incredibly draining. The job is already hard enough.


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